Ooops, Armageddon on the way...

Our local theme park, Paramount's Carowinds used to have an entire section dedicated to Wayne's World. It had its own roller coaster called the Hurler complete with cars made up to look like Garth's ride. Best of all was Stan Mikita's. That's right, there was a Stan Mikita's diner. Dope, no? Now all that remains of those glory days are a rickety Hurler (sans racing flames) and the new "Happy Days Diner". Yeah, that Happy Days.


Geraldo interviewing Mark Furman about hurrican Rita. Yes, that Mark Furman!

There are no words.

Only the sorrow.
The Endless funk.

Cuz I got nothing better to talk about

4tran's list of Painfully Overrated Movies: (Look for a new one every day for the next week or so)

Volume1 - The Untouchables: Seriously, I enjoy the movie, but there are very few redeeming cinematic elements to this film, Sean Connery being the most notable exception.

Let's start with Costner's performance. First off, I think he's alright in the role. He definitely comes across as the goody-two-shoes type of character that most of us believe Elliot Ness to be. I don't think that Costner is a good actor. He is entirely incapable of delivering dialogue. However, despite himself he's managed to be in some decent movies and have what many would consider a great career. He neither adds not subtracts from this film.

Andy Garcia. I mean, he's a badass. Every cop film has one, we appreciate, we expect it, and I know that I would have been bored to teas if this film hadn't had one. Of course, Sean Connery was really the badass in this film and all Garcia does is crowd the shots and generally remain undeveloped. Sure he makes mark in later scenes and we all dig his cockiness in his first scene (at least, I assume some of us do), but his character is forgettable at best.

That brings me to the cardinal sin of The Untouchables: a lousy script. Characters are only developed in time to have them killed off of an emotional impact. Take the accountant dude who gets shot in the elevator. Most of the early scenes are devoted to building a relationship between him and Ness...so that they can kill him. Sean Connery gets a bucketload of scenes afgter accountant's death and then he gets killed. Cue scene where Costner watches him die and then rages in front of DeNiro. Not to mention the Connery death scene cuts in and out of DeNiro attending Pagliacci. Pagli-friggin-acci.

Speaking of which, DeNiro is criminally used. Criminally. He exudes Godfather stereotype in the 5 scenes he appears in and hurts the movie every time. Either use him or don't use him. To only dangle him in front of the audience is the faux pas (sp?) that ultimately collapses this entire film. It would have been artistically more viable to either expand his part to a major player in the script or remove his appearance in the movie entirely. As it stands, he's only there for name drop, an extended cameo.

This is not character development. This is emotional buildup towards an end: the hallmark of a derivative script. I can find equal writing on the Scifi channel. In fact, I was more impressed by The Man With the Screaming Brain. The only characters who aren't developed are the ones who live through the whole movie. What?Huh?

I know tobacco when I see it

Authorities found a 15 acre field of pot in North Carolina.

I dreamt I was a musician again. This time it wasn't a classroom I was playing in, it was a bar. I was asked by the manager to play onstage. No Alice in Chains, though, I played a decidedly Pixies riff on the piano that, while derivative, I did find pretty dope (no pun intended).

Now if only I could remember the songs after the fact. They fade out of my memory by the end of the day. Does anyone else have dreams like this? A friend of mine told me that she knew someone (an english major) who dreamt in words. I wonder what the implications of this are. I too have dreamt in words. At least, I've had dreams where I've read from books or written stories, etc. I think my subconscious might be telling me something that I've known all my life. I just don't know if I'm ready to accept it yet.

I wish I could.

My syntax and diction are terrible, bear with. I'm still working some things out.

True Stories of Real Fiction/ Set your belts for Dingo!

Vince Neil slipped off of the stage during a performance and was unable to continue performing (True). I weep for his dignity.

Actually, there's no fiction here. Fiction is only a state of mind.

What is history anyway? How much of history is fiction? All of it could be, none of it could be. There's no way to know what events in our past actually happened and what didn't actually happen. There are only different levels of certainty/uncertainty. This goes even into our individual experiences. The mind is a powerful tool of suggestion and misinformation. What really matters to us is what we know, what we remember. There are two levels of reality, mental and physical. Both intrude on the other but ultimately, neither can be used in definition of the other. They are isolated. So how then do they define us as people. What is more important to the human being? The physical or the metaphysical?

Idol worship and the American middle class

No preaching here, just an observation.

The other day I was reading in the newspaper and I stumbled across an interesting article in the front page of the Living/Local section: a superstition on how to get your real-estate sold in a pinch.

It turns out, so they say, that St. Joseph isn't just the step-father of Christ or the Patron Saint of manual laborers, but he can also lead you to success on the property market. All you need to do is bury a 4 ft tall statue of St. Joseph upside down in your front yard next to the For Sale sign. As soon as the property is sold you display the statue in a prominent place in the yard.

Are you kidding? I'm not saying that it wouldn't work (ok, I am saying that it wouldn't work) but my point is that at its core, this is pagan superstition. Now, take no negative connotation from that phrase, I'm just noting that its very similar to Voodoo practices and other religions that many hard-working Christians (probably Catholics in this case) we would frown on. Not to mention that it breaks the first commandme no matter which denomination you ask. Idol worshipers masquerading as the American Middle class.

Also, we need to watch out bout this Katrina backlash. I think that it could create a precedent for the government to immediately absorb National Guard units ad take control of local governments in a "disaster situation". I'm not saying it's going to happen, I'm just saying that it could happen, and ultimately that would be dangerous.

Eureka (eeka?)(eaka?)

I'm sure that this is not a pressing issue in the hearts and minds of everyone, but either way I have resolved it.

Why is Futurama/The Simpsons better than Family Guy? {If you've already seen enough, then skip down a few lines to where I talk about the Twilight Zone}

I'll tell you why. Because Futurama is primarily a character driven show whereas Family Guy, while having some interesting characters, is completely plot driven.

Case and Point: Movie parodies. The Seths have made their careers (recently at least) on movie/tv parodies. Now, I appreciate it as much as the next guy, but they do it with so little intelligence.
{low-intelligence being the hallmark of a event-driven plot and those that espouse such things as great works of literature, cinema, etc. Dan Brown's made a career of it.}
When Family Guy parodies a movie, their characters bend to fit the scene, taking on what characteristics are necessary {dammit, i'm not sure if that's spelled right} to create an exact replica. Take the blues brothers parody, taken shot for shot from the movie, or perhaps the Indiana Jones parody. They are only funny, or at least construed as funny, because we recognize the action. It is more of a familiarity reaction rather than a humored one.
Futurama on the other hand, and the Simpsons to my rememberance, does it completely differently. Their parodies are funny, and in some ways elevated beyond parody, because they bend the scenes to their characters. We see how these particular characters would fit in a scence from out favorite movies (I would also argue that Futurama's favorite movies are a little more high-brow than Family Guy's, but I'm not one to judge...well, yeah I am). Last night, on Futurama they took a scene from Midnight Cowboy. It was not a direct copy, it merely shared the music and Zap wore John Voigt's costume. The actual action of the scene did not come directly from the movie, but mirrored it in a way that was suited to the characters...hence it was funny.

There, I've put it to rest and I'm done with it. I will never comment on Family Guy or Futurama ever again in critical context on this blog.

Now, Twilight Zone is amazing. Beyond Amazing. I know it's probably not what you were expecting to read, but I thought I would let everyone know that it must be the greatest show on television next to Quantum Leap.

{Disclaimer: Any assertions of anything to be the best anything of anything subject to change based on whim and mental state}

Right now there's an episode where it turns out that som guy's entire life/job/work experience for the last 17 years was some sort of self-induced hypnotic suggestion. Now, it sounds trite, but they reason Twilight Zone does it so well is that it's not the story so much that matter, but the Characters: the people and how these bizarre events effect them. That is what makes Twilight Zone great television.

The grunge of my dreams

Well, it's funny I started on about dreams yesterday, because last night I had a good one.

Most likely prompted by watching Gene Simmons' Rock School (I know, I'm sorry), I dreamt as though I were in a school being taught the rock.
{I know, I know. You don't need to go to school to learn how to rock}

As it turns out, no one from my study group/"band" was there for the lesson so I had to play a song by myself with only sheet music and piano.
Now all of this isn't that strange for a dream, most of this being obviously rooted in educational anxiety and that sort of thing.

Howevever, what really got me was that I was actually reading the sheet music and playing along. I was singing what the notes were telling me to sing and playing the chords listed on the page (some of which weren't real chords and I had to guess in my dream state the best notes to play) adding my own little embellishments and solos. I was really astonished when I woke up. Basically, my dream was akin to being handed a book and reading it, except with music and an instrument. I can't even sight read myself as well as in my dream, but from what I remember, everything was accurate to the music.

Well whatever, just a strange experience. Especially considering the song had some definite Alice in Chains riffs going on and I took to rockin more than once through the course.

It is a dream I have

What makes a man if not his dreams?
I guess I've always been a romantic at heart.

Is memory no more than a dream? To me it has been. My dreams lie not in the future, but in the past.

Surely I have replaced all of my cells since my fondest memories. The parts of me present are no longer my person. All that remains are impulses and neurons chronicling my experience. I only carry the memories, the dreams, of life already lived.

Do you not remember your dreams? I have dreams as old as my earliest memories. Dreams that have not left me because they are as influential to my person as the experiences I've had. Are these dreams any different than memories now? Are they any more real? Physically perhaps, but they no longer exist in the physical plane save for their thermodynamic repercussions. They can be chemically no different than my dreams.

Do you dream in color? It is the only way I know how...

What more could you want?

The Six Demon Bag!

Also, a BLT. With mayo.

Some brownies would be nice too, but they're on the WAY....

Levee's going to break

I'm sorry, but it's all I can think about these last few days. Could Zepp see into the future? Were they calling out our woes from the past? Nah, just drugs...but I dig the song lately, so there.

Sahara! (That makes 3 Bogart flicks in as many days)

Gas is $3.60 here right now and people were lined up and down the street waiting to get gas. Absolutely ridiculous. A sign of the Apocalypse. Or of price gouging and corporate greed fueled by the populous' hysterics. Damn them all.

But enough hellfire and damnation. I much prefer Black and White movies.

And like that, he's gone....